the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
