what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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