you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
