Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize