You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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