My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They took my balls.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
