4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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