I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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