my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
