what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
