drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
