i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
