I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you win again, gameday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
