I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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