i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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