I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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