I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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