before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
