I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
