guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
