I need help removing her.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
