I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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