I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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