like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize