so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
