I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
