hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
