Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
