I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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