I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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