I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
