I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
