i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
