the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
