I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
