We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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