Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize