I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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