I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
