I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
