i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
