she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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