just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
