Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
