Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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