My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
