Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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