the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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