we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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