I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
