I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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