Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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