what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How does it feel to date your dad?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
