this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm both gender and math confused
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
