remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
