Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
