how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
