Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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