You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize