Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
