I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
