I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
