Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize