I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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