Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
