Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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