and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
