She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
