he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize