as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
