True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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