Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
