ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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