so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
