He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
