please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
