In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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