i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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